Modern Communication

I just finished reading "Rude Bitches Make Me Tired" by Celia Rivenbark, a very sassy etiquette book that I kind-of/sort-of enjoyed.  Etiquette has become my new thing, so more posts on that topic to follow.  In one chapter Celia discusses modern communication and the ways in which people convey information to one another personally and professionally.  First of all the text. If you don't text, you don't have a cell phone or you're 86, or both. I don't know how one can get by without a cell phone, but if I really wanted to know the answer I could just as my mother.  

I digress.  

The text, the most succinct manner of communication, second in brevity to Twitter which limits your number of characters to a whopping 140.  The text allows someone to fire off the essence of their thoughts, you hope when being the recipient of said text, for your viewing pleasure and allowed to respond in kind, meaning keep it short and sweet and dear Lord don't take more that two minutes to respond or else you'll get another text in ALL CAPS asking if you got the first text. Celia discusses this as well, and how much it is appreciated by her husband because she can get to the point.  

So I wonder, why not pick up the phone? Why not have a real conversation with that person, save for the fact that it isn't face to face? When I met my husband, our first few months of conversation were via BBM.  In fact, he didn't even get my actual cell phone number, he just got my BBM pin. Yeah Blackberry was hot 5 years ago, and how I still miss the key board.  Good times. After a few months of talking and dating, I acknowledged the elephant in the communication room and told him I thought we were just too scared to actually talk to each other on the phone. He laughed knowingly.  People can hide behind keyboards.  They can hide behind a text or an e-mail and say what they want to say, have to say, or need to say, without seeing how their words are received by witnessing the other persons facial expressions, or hearing the tone in their voice, and basically not having any knowledge of how their comments are received.  The huge problem that is cyber-bulling is the best example here.  

Not communicating in person is not limited to negative topics, it is used to share happy news as well.  My husband and I sent out the news of our first pregnancy via text message, so I can only imagine how it was received because I didn't get to hear voices or see faces.  The more we progress in the world of technology, the farther apart I feel we become because a human element goes missing, a connection that is found only when in other people's company.  Why get together with someone when you can text for five minutes and get the gist of their life?  Heck, you don't want to text? Go on FaceBook, Instagram, or SnapChat.

Communication requires effort, and time. I know, it's really difficult to pick up the phone and return a phone call because it takes 5 minutes and you have to push buttons. I placed a business-related phone call today and asked for a call in return. I received an email and upon receipt of said email, I realized that what Celia wrote about is completely true. People don't use the phone any more to make actual real phone calls; we use our cell phones to text, Tweet, peruse FaceBook etcetera. Poor Alexander Graham Bell, probably never saw it all coming; and Lord help you if your forte is stationary because no one sends letters, cards, or notes any more. Just ask USPS. 

If how you leave people feeling matters to you, then try being a bit more personal in the way you communicate. Listen well, respond when appropriate and without interruption to another's words, and be thoughtful in the things you say so those you're conversing with know you're paying attention to them, and for heaven's sake put your cell phone away, it won't kill you! Communicating with a personal touch also very much includes hand-written notes and thank-you's that took time to write, seal, add postage to, and put into a real mail box.  A birthday card is so much more thoughtful than a text or a FaceBook message.  Do not send condolences in an electronic manner, take the time to write a card, send flowers, or both. Don't be afraid of eye contact with other people; when you're talking to someone or a group of people, eye contact lets the other person(s) know you're interested and sincere. 

There are so many subtle nuances to communication with people, and half or greater are forgotten because they involve face-to-face contact.  So many of the laughs I've shared with friends have been around a dinner table, where we sit for hours just talking and sipping.  It's the moments you share with people that let you go a month, or two, or six without seeing them that keep the bonds of friendship and family strong and real.  Go ahead and be old fashioned. Pick up the phone and dial instead of texting. Send a card instead of a Facebook message.  Write a letter instead of an email.  Make the way you connect with people personal, and I venture to guess they will have a hard time forgetting you and the way your thoughtfulness made them feel.